Creating Marketable Stories ~ Week Five

Week 5: Compelling Dialog

One thing that makes a story marketable is the use of skillful, concise dialogue. If you had a 3-page photo album of your life—only 3 pages—what photos would tell your story? Would you include an entire page of photos of you getting into your car to go to work or brushing your teeth every morning? Probably not, because that’s not telling your story, right?

The same holds true for dialogue. There are a lot of things that we say in real life that wouldn’t necessarily make it into a book. Your book pages are precious real estate. Everything those characters do and say needs to move the story and/or character forward.

Well-crafted dialogue should: convey an emotion or characteristics related to a character’s current state, be a response to something within the plot, or inform the reader or other character of a necessary fact needed to further the story.

Let’s look at two examples:

Jim wiped the table down for Mama.

“I’ll go get the potato salad,” Mama said. “And Chris, can you get the pizza?”

“Sure,” Chris said. He got the pizza from the fridge and took it to the table.

Jim set the rag down and began passing out the plates.

After reading that selection, ask yourself these questions:

What is the emotion within this story?

What is the plot?

What are the characters going through?

We have no idea, right? That’s because the dialogue isn’t compelling.

Let’s fix that, keeping the same scene above:

Jim wiped down the table in methodical circles, his gaze fixed on something in the distance that no one else could see.

Chris sent a silent and frustrated look over to his mother.

“I don’t know…” Mama whispered, her attention flickering over to Jim before settling back on him, worried. When Jim looked her way, she plastered on a bright expression. “I’ll go get the potato salad. Chris, can you get the pizza?”

Chris hesitated, both of them waiting for Jim to just drop the bomb, freak out—something—but that rag just kept making circles on the table.

His irritation mounting, Chris followed Mama to the other side of the kitchen.

“He’s been like this for three days,” Mama said into Chris’s ear. “He won’t tell us why there are strangers lurking on every corner of the street and following me to my car.” Her voice broke, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m scared.”

Chris shook his head, every nerve on high alert as they stood in view of the open kitchen window. “What has he done now?” 

Mama put her fingers to her lips, more tears surfacing. 

Chris threw open the refrigerator door, yanked out the pizza, and tossed it like a Frisbee onto the table with a smack, startling Jim out of his trance.

Without responding, Jim slowly gathered up the stack of plates and began handing them out.

Now, ask yourself the same questions:

What is the emotion in this story?

What is the plot?

What are the characters going through?

We still said “I’ll go get the potato salad. Chris, can you get the pizza?” but now those words are used as a way to get the two characters out of Jim’s earshot.

If we pull out just the dialog, we can still get the gist of the story:

“I don’t know…”

“I’ll get the potato salad. Chris, can you get the pizza?”

“He’s been like this for three days. He won’t tell us why there are strangers lurking on every corner of the street and following me to my car. I’m scared.”

“What has he done now?”

Let’s sort out what we have in this scene now, using the definition of compelling dialogue above:

Conveys an emotion or characteristics related to a character’s current state

“I’m scared.” (Tells how Mama is feeling.)

“What has he done now?” (Tells us that Chris and Mama have dealt with Jim’s behavior before.)

A response to something within the plot

“I don’t know…” (Mama doesn’t know what’s wrong with Jim.)

“I’ll get the potato salad. Chris, can you get the pizza?” (Mama needs to get Chris by himself.)

Informs the reader or other character of a necessary fact needed to further the story

“He’s been like this for three days. He won’t tell us why there are strangers lurking on every corner of the street and following me to my car.” (Jim has been dealing with something for three days. There are strangers on the property.)

Compelling dialogue will keep the story moving and the reader flipping pages to see what happens! Join me next week as I discuss pacing and how to write a story that unravels slowly but reads quickly.

© Jenny Hale, 2023